MANY TIMES WE ARE THE BEST AT GIVING WHAT WE RARELY GET…

Many times we are the best at giving what we rarely get…and what we deeply and sometimes desperately desire.  

The things we deeply desire tend to tell us a great deal about the relationships that are a part of our lives.  These relationships communicate the powerfully unspoken language of our hearts.  This language is a spiritual song that plays constantly, filling the atmosphere, even when we are unaware.  This is why I believe God’s word says to “guard your heart.”  We have to be careful because our lives do not stop speaking when we are not talking.  

What song is your heart singing?

Is it singing loneliness, abuse, prayer, worship, God, love, Christ, hurt, pain, frustration, anger, joy, peace, faithfulness, honesty……the list goes on.  Take a little time to listen.  Take a little time to take care of your heart.  Take a little time to allow yourself to be vulnerable so that you can hear your heart.  

It is amazing how we are afraid to let go of the relationships, voices, things, experiences, or situations, that keep us plagued.  We find an unhealthy and numbing comfort in the dead areas of ours lives.  We keep going back to these lifeless places trying to resuscitate what does not exist;  killing ourselves by using our God-given breath to breathe into these dead things.  

A relationship is not singular, and it does not involve isolation.  We can not grow alone.  There is a difference between isolation and being alone.  And if your in a relationship with dead things and people then your isolated. There is no breath or life flowing that keeps you nurtured and growing strong.  I think we hold so tightly to the dead because we are afraid of the realization that we are not in control.  So then we try to control everything we can, not giving room to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to be guided, comforted, led, and directed by God.  I have learned more and more with time, that it takes an enormous amount of strength to truly trust God.  Knowing how to follow, makes you a much better leader.

Do something today that will strengthen you like never before……..trust God!  And trusting God does not take perfection or knowing all the answers.  As you go deeper and get closer to God, the answers will not be easy but they we will come when needed.   

Why not take a chance, at this moment right now?  

What do you have to lose?

 

Abusive relationships are not always in the form of physical abuse…

When one thinks of abuse often times, the first thing that comes to mind is physical or verbal abuse.   But there are many forms of abuse that some of us live with daily.  A lot of times the daily abuse one may deal with goes beyond a quick fix to become a habit.  Our need to be in control, is something that we wrestle with constantly and it can be a big issue in our relationship with God; as well as other relationships or situations in our lives.   The things we do to try and control our emotions and feelings, come in the form of detrimental habits, which are the very abusive relationships that keep us out of control.

Habits can often come in the form of what one thinks is needed.  We feel in our mind’s eye that certain things, relationships, or experiences are essential needs.  We have to have it!!  When this happens, we can be led by what we feel more than by what is actually needed.  Our bodies, spirits, and minds have at this point tied themselves to selfish desires becoming our needs.  

By making selfish desires our essential needs, we have made a choice to invite error and abuse to become a part of who we are.  

In this danger zone of desired essential and selfish needs, we are blind!  We can not see what is truly important because what we desire may not be what is best for us.  This can keep us from being open and progressing to the next stages of life that will bring forth change and transformation.  

Change and transformation can come in the form of true love, acceptance, peace, forgiveness, acknowledgement, joy, faith, discipline, honesty, and determination, to name a few.  It also comes in the form of being okay with making mistakes, imperfection, and most importantly, taking care of oneself.  

How we see ourselves, often comes from how others see us, because the relationships in our lives bear a weight  and witness, reflective of who we are.  Then we must ask ourselves who or what are we in relationship with and what does it say about us.  These relationships affect the people we are and they also are very telling of what or who we need to be needed by.  

Is it a relationship, your body, your mind, a spirit, addiction, people, things, habits?!…the list goes on.  Only you and God know what you are dealing with.  If you are open, God can be a healing light in this dark tunnel of an abusive relationship.  

None of us can get the help we need in isolation!  You can not do it alone.  If you want to be an asset to those around you,  you have to get help, and get healthy first.  Then you can be a blessing to others.  If not, your blindness will be leading others to be blind.

Don’t you want to be free?  I do.

 

  

Got me up all night…

The words of J. Cole’s song, ” Power Trip,” flood my mind:

Got me up all night, all I’m singing is love songs,
She got me up all night, constant drinking and love songs,
She got me all night, down and out with these love songs
She got me up all night, drown it out with these love songs

This is only the chorus of the song but it basically speaks about a love so strong that it leads to death… Every poisonous attempt to drown out this unquenchable thirst, seems endless and pointless.

In this instance a “Power Trip,” or shortage has flooded the mind to a place where an error has occurred and this love has now become an obsession. And then the question is, “was it true love from the beginning or simply lust?” Something that appears disguised as love but is only a counterfeit!

A break down begins to take place because what seemed real is only an imitation of the truth. A counterfeit only has intentions to deceive, and deception ultimately leads to sin and death. Death of the mind, body, and most importantly one’s spirit!

Death of one’s spirit does not just happen over night….

Sometimes we become a victim to our emotions and feelings, and they override our ability to think, and reason. It inhibits us from being able to hear from God and trust his direction and guidance! Our relationship with how we “feel” becomes more important than our relationship with God and others around us. We become isolated, rather than just being alone. When we are alone, there is still room to invite relationship in, but in isolation, we are completely shut out from the world around us. And one can not grow in isolation…

In isolation, there is nothing to feed off of except self! Feeding off of self to gratify self! Eventually there will be no more self, because one will end up eating themselves alive (death). Getting high off of your own stash instead of the light and life of God’s word.

God’s word is an endless supply of love, encouragement, security, counsel, guidance, and nourishment. It is eternal life.

Now comes the big question that we must ask ourselves, “Are the counterfeit things, that are only an imitation of the truth, more important than holding onto the promises of God?” And if you do not believe, then ask yourself this question, “what is wrong with believing in a promise that looks much better and brighter than your current situation?” Your faith and belief, no matter how small, can take you far and then it is only a matter of time before God begins to manifest Himself in your life. The audaciousness of His peace will surpass all that you understand. And that is the scary part, because that means it goes beyond your mind, and beyond all reasoning. But that is also the most magnificent part and where true strength and power lies!

I say this but I too have had my reservations, doubts, and frustrations. And depending on our past experiences, we may have had to deal with circumstances and situations where we felt like who we are had to be compromised because it did not meet the standards of the world around us. So it seems tough to give up on what one has worked so hard for in life to identify themselves in Christ. But I would rather loose my identity that was built by man, and gain a new identity through a God who would never force me to do or be anything.  God gives us a choice to love and be loved. And we are edified by His love, which allows us to be the best person we can be and what we were created to be.

At this point we are no longer a victim of our past…
We are no longer a stumbling block of our present…
Or our future…

We are today!

Bowing down to my ego instead of showing love…

Many thoughts run through my mind today because of all that has taken place in less than twenty four hours…

There is an even deeper reverence for truth, love, and respect.

I consider myself to be a genuine person but one that God is definitely still working on. The work is never done. Just when we think we have had an epiphany, it turns out that our ego/pride has really been put in check. And thank God for that.

Sometimes the truth is, if I do not care for or respect something or someone it takes me minute to acknowledge what God sees in them. It is almost as if a boulder is in front of my heart. I admit that I am stubborn, but it does not take long before conviction kicks in and is hammering persistently and diligently into the boulder covering my heart. When such a heavy mass is in front of your heart, your ears are closed and your eyes are shut…you can not see or hear. And if your ears are not open and your eyes are shut, you can not possibly receive instruction, and be ready to go when God says go.

Many times we have to learn that the hard way. And there are times we want God to do things for us but we are not connected to His word, which gives us instruction. In a message conversation with someone I barely know, and have not even met, they said something that will forever be engraved upon my heart: “each new day that we are blessed with, gives us an opportunity to get closer to God which will ultimately and inevitably birth good works, discernment, and a zeal for obedience.” I thought that was a powerful powerful statement. Mainly the part stating, “a zeal for obedience.” I thought to myself, WOW!!!!! And then I said to God, I am not sure I have ever had a real zeal for obedience. I have not had the best experience with discipline in the past, and I believe discipline and obedience go hand in hand. But then again the way I experienced discipline was not really what discipline is all about.

My idea of discipline was trying to measure up to the standards of man and not God. So I was motivated by measuring up to man to please God…how does that work?!?! Lol…it does not! And I am still learning all about it!! Learning that you can not tell God, “Lord send me,” if you are not prepared. And we have all done that before. I heard a sermon this past Sunday, and the minister said, “If the message is to be effective, it must effect the messenger.” WOW!!!

Lord, let the message affect and effect the messenger…

Let the healing begin…

I have always wanted to start a blog…so here we go…

My decision to make healing and taking care of myself has not been easy but very necessary!  Please join me as I share this journey…

Through out my walk, meaning my life as a Christian, I always hear various versions of the saying, “your ministry comes from your misery.”  So many people have said it, I am not really sure who coined the statement, but it is a powerful and truthful statement! I have had the opportunity to meet some truly beautiful women that God has allowed me to mentor!  These women’s lives are a mirror image of my life in so many ways that it is mind blowing!  God placing a reflection of who you are in front of you, magnifying your entire life through a person, COMPLETELY takes the focus off of you!

I truly believe the things we struggle with most, can be a blessing to others!  If we are breathing and alive to share those experiences, they can be a guiding light at the end of a dark tunnel!  This light becomes our testimony or the evidence of overcoming adversity that could have left us damaged or no longer here to tell our story.  Going from victim to victor is a huge deal!  So give yourself a pat on the back, as I am giving myself right now! This is only the beginning, so LET’S DO THIS!!!